Several people have emailed asking why the sudden pivot into an alternative field for which I have indicated no previous interest. I can understand the confusion, because if I didn't pay careful attention to someone, I too might make the mistake of getting everything wrong about them.

In my previous life as a magician, I authored several books. And some of them - if you had been paying attention - you would have noticed were formatted in a non-traditional fashion, at least for magic books.

This is Blomberg Laboratories, a book of magic created by my friend Tomas Blomberg. The book is 26 centimeters square in shape (that's ten inches for you American dum-dums). It really is the absolute worst form factor for reading. Difficult to hold, and with the text so wide that it's near impossible to read from one line to the next without losing your place. Really the only thing it has going for it is the pictures.

What kind of book does that sound like? A cookbook, obviously. (Well, only obvious to those who have been paying attention, which are not the people this update is for.) Indeed, my preferred title for the book was Blomberg Test Kitchen. But Tomas wanted it to sound more science-y, whoop-dee-doo. In the end he won out, but my personal copy has been modified to display the correct title:

All of that is to say: I've been incorporating my culinary interests throughout my magic career (and even my previous career as a software developer). This is the only clue I'm going to point out. Now go buy all of my books and released effects to search for more, because the only baked goods order inquiry I've received so far is from Canada, and I'm not going to travel there, so I still need that magic money to support my lavish lifestyle.

Speaking of books, I may as well reveal what my next project will be. As many of you know, it took me over a decade to produce The Boy Who Cried Magic, largely because I gave priority to others' work over my own, but also because - and this is the first time I am revealing this to anyone - I knew it represented the culmination of my magic career, and that there was no going back.

It's a step I've wanted to take, certainly, but that didn't make it any less scary. Any transition from one life phase into the next, no matter how exciting, comes with a bit of trepidation; that's just human nature. So I kept putting it off until finally I decided 'that's it, I'm doing it. I'm going to dedicate my life to a dream that benefits everyone, not just magicians.'

Don't get me wrong, some magicians are fine people. I'd say at least three of my close acquaintances are magicians. But the entire world needs healing, and if I want to be able to look myself in the mirror with any modicum of respect, I have to think globally. The COVID-19 pandemic really brought this feeling into stark focus. I simply cannot dedicate my time to something that helps only a few. Whatever I do, it must be able to enrich all of humanity.

That is why my next book will be about bread rolls. And not just any bread rolls, but the bread rolls that used to be served at the Magic Castle in California. Seriously, they were the main reason to visit that dump, and since they changed the recipe I've only attended under protest.

But on the bright side, in the restaurant world, once an item is permanently retired from the menu, it's up for grabs for the public to reproduce. To borrow a software term, I'm going to 'open source' the bread rolls. Once I crack the code and reverse engineer the elusive recipe, I'm going to release it to the world in a new book entitled All You Knead is Loaf.

The book will not be just the recipe, but the journey to getting there as well. Everything I need to learn, all the people I need to interview, all the bread rolls I'll have to submit to taste-testing focus groups. My hope is that in addition to giving the world the ultimate bread roll recipe, my book will also act as a blueprint for how to meet any culinary challenge.

It will be a long and winding road, and it may take the rest of my life. But in the end, the loaf you take is equal to the loaf you bake, to paraphrase one of my favourite chefs. This will be my final gift to the world. I am not doing it for fame or recognition. This is for a higher purpose.

Whenever I deliver my delicious cupcakes, I make sure to provide the correct cutlery as well. Other bakers have asked me why I do this: 'isn't any fork acceptable?' Yes, any fork is acceptable if you have no love for what you do and aren't afraid to show it. You should have a supply of cake forks for your cupcake expositions.

You know who never asks me about it? My cupcake customers. They are delighted with the forks I provide, and the only time they ask is when they themselves are amateur bakers, and therefore are not my target audience.

Giving your customers the wrong fork - or god forbid, no fork at all - demonstrates a lack of care. Now it is true some people are not well versed in cutlery, cannot tell even an oyster fork from a clam fork, and will use a simple table fork for all purposes. Now that is a pragmatic and cost-efficient way of doing things, I will grant that. But if your job is to create the best cupcake experience, the last thing you want is to appear to have cut corners.

Think of it this way: if the cupcake recipient is already fully knowledgeable of differing cutlery forms, then you eliminate the embarrassment of having come ill-prepared. No loss, and only gain is possible. If you are dealing with one of the pragmatic and efficient savages, they will be delighted and transfixed by this new wondrous tool, and will perhaps evolve like the apes at the beginning of 2001: A Space Odyssey.

Now there are some purists out there who will insist on the traditional cake fork, which has only one flattened tine, on the left side:

This is only acceptable if you are catering for a period event and accuracy is required. In that case you are probably also using unfiltered water and ancient unwashed wooden mixing bowls in your preparation, and frankly I'd pass on that opportunity. Though the event is period accurate, modern laws concerning poisoning guests will be in effect. Maintain your integrity by not accepting the job.

Another reason is aesthetics. The modern symmetrical cake fork, in the cases of those unfamiliar with standard cutlery, will provide an initial surprise and joy, but that will fade into the background as they consume your delicious cupcake, which is the main star of the show. If you use the traditional model, they will be constantly reminded of it throughout their cupcake meal, and that will draw attention away from the flavour.

The final reason is inclusivity. The modern design can be used by both right- and left-handed people. Now I personally don't care for the well-being of the left-handed, but there is something to be said about appearing as if you care. That goes a long way towards building goodwill in the community. And should there come a day, by an incredible twist of fate, that a left-hander comes into power, well then you're already at the top of the list, aren't you?

This week the Magic Castle made the following announcement:

They will also continue to require face masks for everyone inside the building.

Even though I've had my share of problems with the Castle, I have no hesitation in acknowledging this is an excellent policy. When you're right, you're right. Good on you.

But as can be (sadly) expected, some people are upset with this situation. One person even asked they reverse the rule and admit only the unvaccinated, going so far as to describe vaccinated people as 'super spreaders' and linking to a CNN article for support. The article states that the Delta variant may have a similar tendency for transmission regardless of vaccination status. So if vaccinated being similar to unvaccinated means 'super spreader' then... well that person basically said he himself is a super spreader. Moral high ground sure is low these days.

But I have a solution to propose! What if the Magic Castle promises to bring back the classic bread rolls if everyone gets vaccinated? You know everybody will jump right to it, regardless of personal beliefs, because nobody can deny the power of the bread roll. This of course wreaks a bit of havoc with my passion project of recreating those rolls, but for the good of humanity I'm willing to take the hit. Besides, this will allow me to get a fresh roll to analyse instead of going from memory, so it still works to my advantage.

Dear Magic Castle: make this deal and you will forever be known as the organisation that stopped COVID in its tracks, and we'll happily let all the prior bad stuff fade into the past.

Dear everyone else: please get vaccinated, and enjoy the bread rolls.

There was no Cupdate last week because, I'm ashamed to admit, I found myself focusing on magic. I believe the phrase my American friends would use is 'fell off the water cart.'

It began innocently enough. I was paying a visit to some friends in Chippenham, and as often happens in these situations, a rousing game of whist broke out. I was partnered with Roderick, whom I'd boarded with at university, and we were making quick work of our opponents Nigel and Tamsin. As I shuffled the cards in preparation for what could have been our winning round, Nigel piped up in his distinctive wheedly voice, asking 'didn't you use to earn your living from cards?'

Roderick smirked, his usual response to any conversation that can lead to me performing a magic trick. He's witnessed my card work for decades, and often finds a way to excuse himself from the interaction. It's not that he dislikes magic, it's that he fears he will impair the effect with his anticipation if he's seen the trick before. Knowing that much of magic comes in the unexpected, he's cognizant of the fact that occasionally he will look at my right hand when I want the audience to focus on my left. He fears that the other spectators will observe this and also look precisely where I don't want, and thus unravel the mystery. Roderick is a good friend to magicians, but I didn't need him to leave, because I had quit magic.

'You don't need to refill your drink,' I told him. He hadn't even yet begun to get up from the table.

Nigel was taken aback. 'Did you... did you know what he was about to do?'

'My goodness,' Tamsin uttered. 'You're a mind reader!'

My intention had been to get right back to the game, but old habits die hard, and I found myself performing basic mentalism tricks for the next hour. Even Roderick was impressed, as he primarily knows me as a card guy.

And, I must admit, I enjoyed it. Not necessarily the feeling of having a special mental power, but the energy I got from my small audience. You just don't get that from baking. I wasn't even upset that we never finished the game.

When I returned home I found my mind racing with thoughts and ideas relating to magic. And they didn't fade away. I didn't bake a single thing for over a week, and when I finally did it was a small cake. In a hat.

I feel as if I'm at a crossroads, but I suppose it's more like a roundabout which has brought me in view of the road I've just left. It would be so easy to return, but I don't want that. At least I don't think I do. Can I navigate both lanes at once? I'm fairly uncertain where to turn.

I apologise if you've come here for the latest in my baking exploits, or news concerning the Magic Castle reinstating their bread rolls (I've not heard back from them). But sometimes friends get to show their vulnerabilities, and I consider my readers, in a small way, to be friends.

Except Douglas from Missouri. You know who you are and what you did.

It's been quite a stressful week. A friend in the United States has been begging me to go back on my principles and mail cookies to him. I'd been deflecting as much as I could, but he really upped his guilt trip game and I finally relented. This involved making a special batch of cookies that had a longer shelf life (at the sacrifice of flavour), plus packing them in individual protective sleeves, then packing those into a tamper-proof box, and finally dealing with post-Brexit customs for foodstuffs. All of this just because my friend says he can't get delicious cookies in New York (which may be true, but if you're going to put someone through this much trouble, maybe you should lower your standards instead).

So this friend, who shall remain nameless - the only hints I'll give are that his name begins with a 'J' and ends with an 'oshua Jay' - finally received his cookies last week after they spent nearly a full month in transit. To his credit he did thank me straight away, and once he unpackaged them and artfully placed them on a serving plate he sent a photograph of the resultant tableau.

But then, only hours later, a horrific storm swept over the east coast of the United States, with record flooding in several areas. My friend is thankfully uninjured, but he did suffer some damages to his property due to the rising waters. This includes the cookies he had sitting out on a plate. He hadn't even eaten any!

That is unfortunate, and I feel sorry for his loss, but now he's demanding I bake a new batch to ship out to him. I was already put out by doing it in the first place, and seeing as how climate change is only going to result in more and more storms of this magnitude, I feel it is a fool's errand to bake more cookies to send to the same fate.

Am I the bad guy here? I don't think so. I'm just trying to preserve the dignity of my baked goods. And really, if he didn't eat those cookies immediately upon opening the box, isn't that a direct insult to me and my passion?

Well I don't care one whit what he or anyone else thinks. My cookies are made to be eaten, and if you'd rather put them on display than smoosh them into your gob, then you deserve everything that comes to you. Good day.

After Magifest, I was able to spend the better part of a week touring the bakeries of Columbus, which has been dubbed the Baking Capital of Central Ohio. From one shoppe owner (a charming woman named Lisa who specialises in fruit-filled pastries), I learned that I am in town at the right time for the monthly meeting of the Baking Ring, which is a group of like-minded individuals who wish to discuss and share their love of the culinary arts.

Though the group is technically open to anyone with an interest, you can't just show up and expect to gain entry. An existing member must vouch for you, and I had to prove my worthiness to Lisa, as she was initially reticent about letting in someone who (to her) spoke in such a funny way. Oh the irony, for from my perspective, it is she who sounds funny!

I showed her this blog, but her response was that anything on the internet could be faked. While frustrating to my immediate goal of gaining entry to the meeting, I must admit I respect the healthy amount of scepticism she has for online media. I would have to prove myself in the moment.

I saw that one of Lisa's specialty goods was a combination blueberry and raspberry turnover. She was very proud of it, but the problem was that they had to be eaten shortly after baking, as the blueberries and raspberries would eventually mix so much that, while still a delicious treat, the individual flavors got lost. She had been experimenting with building a wall to keep them separated, but it was inconsistent; sometimes it would come out too thin and collapse, and other times it was too thick and resulted in a center that was too chewy. She was looking for a 100% dependable way to build a pastry wall that would meet her standards.

And this is where my past life as a magician came to the rescue. Sometimes you come up with a solution and you focus on that idea in an attempt to perfect it, when maybe you just have to step back, re-evaluate what the desired effect is, and think of a different method altogether. I recognised that Lisa's issue was not how to build her pastry wall; the wall was not required. She merely needed to keep the two fillings separate so that they would not mix until they were in your mouth.

'Have you ever heard of a double turnover?' I asked. She hadn't. And by sharing that secret with her, I proved my worth and she invited me to be her guest at the monthly meeting. (I won't divulge the workings here, as this is a public blog, but I've left enough clues for anyone well versed in both baking and magic to sort it out).

The meeting is tomorrow afternoon, and while I know I can't reveal a great amount of what goes on behind those closed doors, I will relay my impressions as best I can next week.

Due to pandemic protocols, I am not allowed to return directly to my home in Gloucester from the United States. I am required to spend ten days in a designated 'clean' area, which is to say a place where nothing happens unless you consider the looming, infectious dread that turns your mind into Blu Tack. Still, Peterborough does have a nice cathedral.

I want to make the best of my time here, but the shoppes are ill equipped to serve my needs. I could order supplies and ingredients from away, but by the time they'd arrive I'd be back home. So instead I find myself with a pack of playing cards.

I know what you are thinking, but don't worry: I'm not practicing magic tricks. The people who live here are almost subhuman in their lethargy. And I can't blame them. I've only been here four days and the most stimulating thing I've encountered is half a dead rat I saw on the pavement. Why is there only half? If another animal took it for a meal, wouldn't there be nothing left? Even if it were too big to eat at once, surely the leftovers would be dragged to a secure location. But it's been half a rat for two days. If it's still there when I leave I can only assume it has always been there, and will be there until the end of time. The Eternal Half a Rat is a fitting mascot for Peterborough.

Forgive me, I went off on a bit of a tangent there. My mind is... anyway, the people are not very interesting, and not worth performing magic for. As a way to give me something, anything, to do, I've decided to play matchmaker. I'm taking the playing cards, tearing them in half, and distributing them to the local singles. I've told each of them that if they find their matching half they will find their one true love.

But I'm only giving out one half of each card. There will never be a match. This is a way to amuse myself that is ultimately harmless. You may think that some of these people will get their hopes up and will fall into deep despair as the years tick by without a companion. But you forget where they live; deep despair is several steps up.

Next week I should be home again. Back to my beloved pots, pans, bowls, mixer, rolling pin, and oven. The first thing I'm going to do is bake some cookies and eat them myself. The second thing I'm going to do is bake some cookies and eat them myself. The third thing is much the same.

I am consumed with a passion. A previously unknown desire to build up this small town's Harvest Festival. In my life I've known my fair share of local celebrations, but never before have I felt this level of excitement. In the past they've served little more than great excuses to enjoy baked goods. But now I finally understand. It is the lifeblood of the community. A community that has accepted me, and is open to others still.

So, with the festivities beginning next week, I find it my duty to bring in as many outsiders as possible, so that they may join us in our traditions.

(I've been here less than two weeks and I'm already saying 'our' traditions. And that speaks so much to how natural this all is. Each community has its own peculiarities, but underlying them all is an older, ancient, zeitgeist. These feelings, these drives, lie dormant within all of us, and they need only be prodded into wakefulness.)

To help spread the word, I am painting signs to advertise the festival, and I am posting them on trees along the nearby roads. Here's an example of one:

HOLY CRAP EVERYONE THAT WAS TOTALLY A CULT.

I have received scores of messages from magicians who are upset over the cancellation of Derren Brown's upcoming magic book. They seem to be angry with me instead of with Derren, so I've simply forwarded them all to his email account. There's always going to be a small percentage of people who place blame on the wrong person, so Derren must be receiving hundreds - if not thousands - of angry messages from magicians who understand the real villain in this situation and wrote to him directly. He's got to be feeling quite the fool right now.

As for me, I've still not found his hidden cameras, so I've decided to sabotage any footage by making it unusable for broadcast on telly. This started with me walking about entirely in the nude and using the foulest language imaginable. But during an admittedly awkward Zoom meeting with the Vanishing Inc staff it was pointed out that my slurs would be bleeped and my bits would be blurred, so it could still be used for his programme. I had to come up with something else.

That something else is filling my space with as much Disney intellectual property as humanly possible. I've pasted printouts of Mickey Mouse on every wall, I have Disney+ displaying on every screen, and the soundtrack to Frozen is playing 24/7 throughout my home. There's no way he can secure the rights, and scrubbing all of that content will cost far more than Channel 4 would ever budget. You don't mess with The Mouse. Game and match, Derren.

P.S. I just realised the word 'win' is right there in my name. That sure makes me 'Glad.'

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As 2021 draws to a close I think it is useful to look back over my journey this past year.

For those who follow my secondary career - magic - you now know that I sucessfully fooled Penn & Teller last week on 'Penn & Teller: Fool Us.' I am of course thrilled and honoured to have accomplished such a feat. I am, however, a little surprised that I was able to fool them with a trick I learned from the back of a cereal packet. I suppose those two aren't very interested in the details of the food they eat, so they never read such things. And that just goes to show that if you approach magic from an outsider perspective, you can bring something unique to the stage.

Here's a bit of behind the scenes jollity: after taping was finished for the day, Penn & Teller came to visit the performers in the green room. On the table in front of me was a plate of cookies I had made to share with the cast and crew, and Teller scarfed one up and then whispered to Penn who told me that he said it was the best cookie he'd ever had. I thought he was saying that just because he knew I had made them and wanted to butter me up so I'd share the secret of my trick, but as it turns out he had no idea. He honestly considered it the best cookie he's ever had!

It took some doing to convince them it really was my work, and that's another reason I am glad I started this website, because it provides definitive proof that I am primarily a baker. So I guess you could say I fooled them twice!

Penn also loved the cookies, and suggested a spinoff programme called 'Penn & Teller: Feed Us' which is currently being pitched to the network executives. I wish them all the luck in the world with that.

I'm in Mexico again. This is my life hack for being able to travel between the United Kingdom and the United States. As a workaround for COVID restrictions between the two locations, spending two weeks in Mexico seems to nullify any travel problems.

It's perfectly legal, I promise you. Someone from the US Embassy told me, and I trust him to know what he's talking out. Weird, though, now that I think on it, that his office was not in the main building, but in a disused phonebox some ways down the road. But hey, there are cutbacks at all levels.

Hmm... well, anyway, I can't be held responsible if I followed someone else's instructions. It's the safe way to go through life. And that leads me to what I want to talk about today.

You see, in the world of baking (I guess this can apply to magic as well, if you stretch your imagination, but I'm thinking primarily of the culinary arts here) you can buy a cookbook which is filled with recipes. These are ways of preparing foods that have been tested and honed over many iterations by professionals. If you follow them to the letter, you will end up with a perfectly acceptable - sometimes great - dish. You can go your entire life following recipes and nobody will think less of you.

But... wouldn't be nice if people thought MORE of you? That can happen if you experiment and try to make something your own. There's a risk of failure, of course, but that is what separates the masters from the chumps. You think all the recipes in that cookbook were perfect from the start? Not at all. They were bad. They were terrible. Sometimes they made people physically ill. But through intelligent reasoning and a little bit of trial and error they got to the point where they were publishable. A master took the chance, probably stumbled a bit along the way, and then arrived at something new and worthwhile.

We didn't get into baking just to enjoy the same good food that's already out there. To enjoy those treats, you just go to the person making them, with no need to learn how to do it yourself. No, we became bakers so we could come up with our own creations. Published recipes are fine for when you are starting out, as learning exercises. But don't expect anyone to praise your cupcake skills if all you do is tediously follow the recipe and use the batter exactly as written. That makes you an insignificant, replaceable cog; anyone can achieve the same effect by following the directions.

Being a baker is not a passive vocation. If you want your creations to stand out, you must use a secret ingredient that is left out of all published recipes. That secret ingredient is you.

Valentine's Day is upon us, and that means demand for pink cupcakes and pink cookies is at the highest point for the entire year. The yellow cookies take a short break, but they definitely pick up again in late March and hit their high point in July. It's the circle of life.

People often want heart-shaped cookies, and I am happy to provide them WHEN I GET PAID (you know who you are, JJ). Now this is obviously a standard shape for cookies at this time, and just about everybody makes them. And they all look the same. We use the term 'cookie cutter' to refer to something that is a simple copy, and in this case it is literally true.

I also employ a heart-shaped cookie cutter, but I have put extra work into mine which makes me stand out as a baker. It's subtle, and may go consciously unnoticed by many people, but based on the responses I've gotten since I started this practice, I feel it is definitely affecting their perception.

Let me take a moment to talk about McDonald's, particularly their french fries and chicken nuggets. Do you ever think about their shapes? No, of course not, they are just randomly cut bits of... stuff (I'm not going to get into a discussion of the ingredients as that is out of scope for the point I am making). But if you were to take a box of their fries or nuggets, and separate them by shape, you will find they fall into uniform groups of maybe half a dozen. That's because they are not cut, they are moulded. McDonald's developed a series of shapes that are purposefully designed to make the process of making these food items more efficient, but when seen together give the appearance of random, handmade work.

So I've done the same with my Valentine's Day cookies. I have twelve different cookie cutters, six the size of the cookie I want to make, and six slightly smaller. Each of them I have smacked against the counter or with a hammer, sometimes bending with the raw strength of my bare hands, to make them just a tiny bit off. They are all recognisable as hearts, but some have a stunted tip, some skew left or right, the top humps are slightly uneven, the edges kind of 'wiggle' their way down.

I use the larger ones to cut my cookies, and the smaller ones I use as a guide for the pink frosting. With six of each kind, that gives me thirty-six permutations of what look like handmade cookies. And that's how I stand out: even though I'm doing exactly the same thing as all the other bakers, all of their cookies look like they came from a machine and mine look like special care and attention was given to each and every one. And in the end, what my customers feel - on a subconscious level - is that I care about them.

They needn't know that I only care about the money. (PAY UP, JJ!)

This week was a bit of a wild ride. First some background: as many of you know, I am a proud member of the Clandestine Cake Club. Given its name, you'd imagine it is very secretive about what goes on during meetings. That's not the case; the club is actually named for a 'clandestine cake' which is an apocryphal dessert described by the founding members. A perfect cake to strive towards in your baking journey, an unattainable goal which keeps you going nonetheless. It's better described as a Platonic ideal of a cake, but 'platonic cake' doesn't sound as good, and they didn't want to be confused with the already existing Platonic Pastry Partnership.

(I should point out that my Clandestine Cake Club is NOT affiliated with the organisation of the same name originated by Lynn Hill in 2010. Ours was created around the same time, and it's difficult to tell who was first. We have nothing against the other group and indeed have begun discussions to merge with them, but we really like our logo better and that's been a bone of contention in the negotiations.)

All of that is to say that we are in fact not secretive about or goings-on within the group. We have a strong community outreach program because we want to share the joy of baking and be inclusive of a wide array of society, from children to pensioners, from the rich to the destitute, all races, genders, nationalities, religions, you name it.

However, to achieve that inclusivity we must have rules in place to maintain a welcoming environment. And those rules have to do with the treatment of others. We do not tolerate harassment or abuse, either verbal or physical, in or out of the club. If you commit a violent crime (physically or mentally), you are ejected from the club. Some people argue that the rule itself is counter to inclusivity, and those people we point towards the exit. Freedom only extends so far, my friend. The naysayers are welcomed back if they adopt a less threatening perspective; the criminals, however, get put on a public list of banned members.

And that brings us to this week when the list was recently shared on a popular social media site, and drew some attention. Much of it good, but far too much of it bad - the 'naysayers' I had mentioned earlier. They argued that the list is a form of vigilantism, somehow getting it into their minds that we were advocating seeking out the people on it and committing acts of violence upon them. No, it's just a list of people not allowed in our club. We were baffled by how quickly the discourse took a dark and violent turn. Those people aren't going on a list, but some of us are going to keep an eye out for them.

While the club accepts members from the general public, it's still a privately-run organisation. If we were subsidised by the government then it would be a different story, but that's not the case. And, frankly, if we relied upon government funding we'd not be able to afford much of what we do anyway. So it's sort of the best of both worlds: we can work out our own cash flow, and we can also provide a service to all in the community, BUT we get to protect that community at the same time. Part of why we publish the list is so that we can show we take steps to provide for the safety and comfort of our members. Transparency and accountability is very important in this regard. It's one thing to say you have a welcoming environment, but it's another thing altogether to demonstrably act upon it. People should not have to dig deep into the club's archives to uncover this very basic and helpful information.

I am proud to be a member of the CCC (or whatever our name may become pending the outcome of our talks with the other CCC), and stand firmly by its tautological philosophy: bad people are bad. I only wish that weren't such a controversial idea to some.

Yesterday was St. Patrick's Day. You must be thinking, 'Andi baked green shamrock cookies.' Well you must be wrong, for I did no such thing.

It's understandable why you thought that. After all, it would be extraordinarily easy to do: it requires only shamrock-shaped cookie cutters and green food coloring. Everything else would be the same. If you can make a very simple change to create a new product, potentially making or pleasing a new client, that's a no brainer, right? Wrong again. Sometimes there is another element in play.

And that's branding. My entire image is built around pink and yellow cookies, as well as pink cupcakes. Green cookies cheapen that. People either think 'well, if he is willing to do anything then he must not be very good at any one thing' or if they think I'm very good at pink and yellow cookies (and I hope they do), then doing a one-off batch makes them think I'm trying to make quick and fast money. Neither is preferable.

I used to get into this kind of situation way back in the past when I was a professional magician. Sometimes a corporate client would pay extra to have a show customised just for them. In their mind I was creating a brand new effect the world had never before seen. In reality, I was taking some standard trick I do in every show and inserting their logo or slogan into it. Oh sure I'd find ways to slip in details about the company throughout my show, but deep down I still felt shallow because being a salesperson for some corporation just isn't me, you know? By the end I had given up on elaborate setups and just hastily scribbled the company name on a piece of paper about a minute before my show started. As my closer I 'magically' produced this crumpled piece of paper and called it a day. My disdain was palpable, and that's when I decided to focus on my cookies and cupcakes.

And it is here that I stand firm on not compromising my vision or my product for the almighty shilling. I want APaYCaPC to have the kind of integrity I could never achieve with magic. Baking is an art, and should be treated as such.

Okay, wow. I did NOT expect the large, often vociferous response I received regarding my April Fool's post. Many of you are up in arms, painfully upset at the deception. Here are some excerpts from my favourite emails I received this week:

'You fooled me. And I hate being fooled.'
-- PJ

'I mess with people's heads for a living, but I would NEVER go this far.'
-- DB

'This is perhaps the most dastardly stunt ever pulled in the worlds of baking, magic, and the internet combined. This truly places you in the supervillain category.'
-- EN

'Call me ingnorant, but you got me. You got me bad.'
-- PG

'I cannot believe you've been lying to me all this time. I thought we were friends. I thought we were more than friends, even. I thought we were best buds.'
-- JJ

What's difficult for me to discern, however, is how many people get what the actual joke was. OF COURSE I'm a full-time baker! I wouldn't put in that much work for just a one-off prank on a website. The joke was what I posted last week. You know, on April Fool's Day? That should have been the clue. Everything up to that is completely above board. The only thing I actually lied about - the April Fool if you will - is the idea that I was only doing it for a gag.

This is what we professionals call a meta-joke. My prank was not that I've been carrying out this involved fiction, the prank was me saying what I'd been doing is all part of a ruse. It's pretty high level, and many people are understandably confused, so I wanted to clear the air and make sure everyone knows exactly what I did so we can all enjoy it for the same reasons.

So there's a chef, fairly well known (most people have probably heard of them), who is going to teach a culinary course open to the public. That's making some news in the circles I travel in. There is one person in particular who is super weirdly angry, making a bunch of passive aggressive posts on Facebook about it. Keeps saying it's the end of cooking as we know it, that this is an affront to the ideals of the craft, that our secrets are sacred, and that above all else he is disappointed in this person.

Dude, you know cookbooks exist, right? And there are entire schools dedicated to teaching people how to do this stuff. None of this is new, it's been around for centuries, and will continue for centuries hence.

Mr. Angry just wants attention, I guess, and me writing about it isn't helping, as I am similarly vague and passive aggressive. It's just... dang, gain some perspective, would ya? This is not the look you want.

A lovely couple hired me this week to bake cupcakes for their daughter's birthday. Poor thing is immunocompromised so she can't have a big party until after all her friends are eligible for the vaccine. So with just two parents, the birthday girl, and a couple of her friends, I decided it was a good enough cause to bring a little magic to the proceedings, something I have been adamently against as of late.

For this occasion, I designed and baked special cupcake shells. These are fully edible, hollow cupcakes that fit over other, complete cupcakes. Then I made a double shell which would fit over those, and baked two complete sets. That leaves me, presentationally, with two cupcakes that then become six. And the best part is that they all can be eaten without anyone thinking there was any funny business. How?

I know cupcakes and I know kids. And most importantly, I know what kids want in a cupcake. They only want the frosting. If you could make a cupcake that has a high frosting-to-cake ratio, but not from a giant glob of sugary goodness that a parent would object to, you will have made the ultimate kid cupcake. And that's just what a shell is: more than 50% is frosting, but it looks like just a little.

So after lamenting I only had time to bake two cupcakes (you'll recognise this this as the traditional 'baker in trouble' plot), I then produced four more in quick succession. The parents received the two normal cupcakes, so they saw nothing wrong. And the kids just went on about how the cupcakes were perfect, and wouldn't dare expose the secret to the adults, lest they be made to eat something else to offset the inevitable sugar rush, this being pretty much the same as drinking alcohol on an empty stomach.

I made sure to get out of there before the kids went nuts. It may have been a disservice to her parents, but little Tina had the best birthday, and that is what matters.

I was having a chat with a group of friends the other day, and the subject of this blog came up. One of my friends, however, didn't know it was active. But he knew about this website. As it turns out he checked it out a few times about a year ago, and never thought to keep returning and scroll down through this Cupdates section.

He argued that it's not clear that the site continues in a downward fashion. He expects the top post to be the most recent, so he's assumed there hasn't been anything new BECAUSE HE STOPPED LOOKING.

I said that is madness. Pure madness. You always need to scroll to the bottom of every website you visit, lest you begin having uninformed opinions, which are very close to uniform opinions (those which you merely accept from someone else without putting your own thought into them - wake up, sheeple).

The best informational sites are written this way so that newcomers are not confused. Think of the Time Cube, people. If that had been presented in reverse order, it wouldn't have made sense at all, now, would it?

Anyway, to make sure visitors are incentivised to scroll all the way down every time they visit, I am going to put a sexy picture of myself at the bottom of the page. You're welcome, everyone.

From an email I recently received:

Why only pink and yellow cookies? Why only pink cupcakes? I understand specialization - only cookies and cupcakes, and not other baked goods - but the color limitation confuses me. How is that an area of focus?
-- Obviously an American

This is a good question and worthy of an answer (even if you don't know how to spell colour). You are correct that there is no skill distinction between making pink and yellow frosting versus, say, blue and green. But if I offer any colour, we get into an interesting bit of psychology known as the Paradox of Choice.

In a nutshell, if someone is given a large array of choices, they find it difficult to make a decision. And after they finally settle on something, they are more likely to regret that choice, thinking one of the others might have been better. But if you limit their ability to choose, that all goes away. People are actually happier when presented with limited options.

There is also an aspect of brand marketing tied into this. Being the guy with only two choices for cookies, and only one for cupcakes, makes me stand out. It implies a level of confidence in my product that you simply don't get when someone says they'll customise to your specifications. On the surface that seems like good service, but inherently it is saying 'I don't know what to do and I'll let anyone else make decisions for me.' Frankly it sounds desperate, like someone who is so eager to be loved that they'll do anything anybody tells them to do.

So in reality, I can make frosting of any colour, and indeed I can make many things beyond cookies and cupcakes, but for the sake of potential customers having a clearly defined vision of what I am, I have put forth this particular constructed persona.

Also, from a practical standpoint, if I offered many colours I'd have to register a domain name that is really long, and that would make people less willing to visit.

You would not believe how many bakers are upset with me over what I wrote about abortion rights last time. I mean, seriously? Baking is supposed to be about freedom and sharing joy, an escape from being told what to do, defying the rules, making your own reality, and spreading that wonder.

It's a lifestyle that I feel is wholly incompatible with wanting government to intervene with a person's personal life. And yet here we are, with some loud voices in various baking clubs and organizations making their authoritarian opinions known.

There have to be some rules, I get that. But first of all they need to be reasonable, and secondly they need to apply to everyone equally. You can't make a rule that affects a particular segment of the population. That's not government, that's bullying.

I will not take back what I said, and I will in fact say it louder. If you feel that women need to be treated as second class citizens, then you need to rethink your life choices, period. And if you do that soul searching and still come up with the same opinion, then I would appreciate it if you would no longer read my blog.

'Oh, Andi,' I hear Mr Strawman say, 'it sounds like you are making a rule that affects a particular group of people.' Oh, come off it. That's a deflectionary tactic and you know it. You'll say anything to keep the focus off of your bad behaviour. You'll walk away pretending you've won an argument, really destroyed your opponent, but you know deep down you didn't. And everyone else knows that too, but not deep down. It's blatantly obvious to the rest of us.

You can go through life choosing to be the worst person possible, the best person possible, or just, you know, a person. Why would you ever go with the first option? If hurting other people truly makes you happy, I do think you need to see a therapist. That is not healthy for you or society. Please, I beg of you.

Cookies and cupcakes are for those who care, those who love. Good day, sir.

I said good day!

This week I've been abroad at an international baking competition. It's not well known to normal everyday people, but believe me when I say that within the baking world it's a really big deal. It's like the Eurovision Song Contest times, like, ten. Seriously.

I myself am not competing, because I did not pass the qualifying rounds. That was mainly because they took place at the same time as Magic Live was held in Las Vegas, which was a pre-existing obligation I would rather not have had to attend, but it is what it is. I'm not saying I necessarily definitely would have made it to the finals had I only been able to participate, but not being there certainly affected my ability to advance. As they say, you miss 100% of the advances you don't bake.

But I'm happy just to be here, and frankly I prefer being a spectator, as I get to have (almost) all of the enjoyment of the competition with none of the stress. And really, the only part I'm missing is winning, and that's really just for bragging rights more than anything else. And we all know that. It's less of a contest and more of a celebration of the craft. Frankly, we're all winners.

But, just to be clear: if I were competing, then I'd be more of a winner than everyone else. My curry-flavoured cupcakes are out of this world.

You may understandably be surprised to have suddenly seen a new post on this blog after a year's silence. I probably should have mentioned earlier my intention to do one year on, one year off. Alternating between two. As in two colours. GET IT?!

So what have I been up to this past year? Some of you know, but most I assume do not, based on the demographic information I gather from spyware embedded into this website. The online magic shoppe I co-own has opened physical locations, and that was a large portion of my past year's activities.

'Magic, Andi? Really?' most of you ask (but not all of you, per the browser history I've collected). 'Certainly you've divorced yourself from that crude, distasteful hobby.'

All shall become clear. The way the online shoppe works is that there is a website with an inventory of items for purchase. And all of those items are stored in a warehouse space. A space that can better be used as a kitchen. So the real motivation behind the physical magic shoppes was to redistribute that inventory to other places, freeing up a centralised location for my culinary experiments.

The more people buy from the physical locations, the more stock we can unload from the warehouse, and the more room I can dedicate to my real passion. So please, if you can, visit any of the many^* shoppe locations and buy something or even several somethings.

^* As of this writing, there are two locations, both located in America. Specifically: California, America. So if you're in America, just pop on over to California and pick up a Hot Rod or squirting rose or whatever it is we sell there (I don't look in the boxes before I push them off the shelves because it doesn't matter to me what's in them; I just want them out of my sight).

I want to take a moment to have a serious talk about basic etiquette that everyone should follow when interacting with others on the internet. 'Netiquette' if you will...

I was hosting an event over Zoom, celebrating the anniversary of the start of my professional baking. I invited some friends and colleagues to make presentations related to the culinary arts, and the event was open to the public. However, a couple of those public members took liberties with the open platform. They came on camera on applied cream frosting to cakes in the most haphazard fashion. Now, I'm an open-minded guy when it comes to performance art, but I don't really know what the point was. Were they making a statement about my baking interests? Was it supposed to be funny? It seemed they just wanted attention, and did not wish to engage meaningfully with the community. The gall. The unmitigated audacity.

Now, it has been pointed out that I should not have set the Zoom meeting to allow any attendee to do a screenshare. That's on me. But should I have to protect against such vandalism? What has happened to basic human decency? Can't we have a pleasant discussion about cake batter without being interrupted by someone who wants to make a mess of things? Anyway, I learned my lesson the very hard way; I should not blindly trust the public when it comes to a bakers' Zoom.

And then pretty much the same thing happened at Vanishing Inc a day later. Except instead of cream frosting it was... creamier frosting. So I guess I can't trust the public on a magicians' Zoom either.

Anyway, I'm sure my next Zoom event, this one for fans of Jane Austen novels, will not have any such issues. It's just a classier group of people.

I am pissed.

And not in the proper British sense, but the vulgar American sense, meaning that I am very angry. As you well know, I am a member of the Clandestine Cake Club, an organization dedicated to celebrating and furthering the art of baking cakes as well as the allied culinary arts. It's had its ups and downs over the years, but I have always been proud to say I am a member.

However, that was largely because it felt like a community of like-minded bakers; we who do it for the love of it all. To that effect, our elected board members have always taken on their roles on a volunteer basis. (They do get some perks, such as first tastes of new delicacies, but that's nothing unreasonable.) And sometimes real life gets in the way and some members need to step down or take a break, and that's been fine and manageable. The terms have been short and there's never really been a need to call for changes.

Until now.

It began a few years ago, when the board voted to lengthen the term of service. That wasn't met with too much opposition, because as I've said we've never had any serious problems. But later they altered the nomination and voting process, making it much easier for an existing board to get re-elected, or to be the ones to choose their successors. It began to smell of a power grab.

But now, the president of the board has decided that the job is too big to be a volunteer position. Ordinarily this would be resolved by relinquishing duties to someone else, or changing priorities or scope of club initiatives. But the solution this time - which was decided by the board and not put to a vote with the club members - was to create a new paid Activities Director position which the president appointed himself to. In order to raise the funds to pay his salary, he has begun opening up club events to the public for a fee. Something which in and of itself is not entirely bad, except that these non-members are receiving preferential treatment over the rest of us, who are relegated to the worst seats or are not able to attend at all due to the available space being filled.

And the Activities Director appears to be a permanent situation, and there's no reason not to believe that more volunteer board members will be able to transfer into paid roles they create for themselves. What began as a regular cycle of temporary administrative leadership has become a regime. Frankly, I don't know if I even want to be a member any longer. This is not what baking is all about.

I don't know if I've written about this before (and I can't be bothered to read though this blog, or even do a simple keyword search for that matter, as such administrative tasks are beneath me), but have you ever thought about the prime difference in how people react when meeting a baker versus meeting a magician?

Someone at a party is introduced to you, and you learn they are either a baker or a magician. 'I bet that's an interesting profession,' you think, or possibly even speak aloud.

The baker will probably tell you what they specialise in, and you get to imagine the delicious foods. Then conversation turns to you and proceeds along a normal course. Unless you specifically engage in the topic, the profession acts only as a jumping off point.

Magicians, however, often need to prove themselves. Perhaps they ask 'do you have a finger ring I can borrow?' because magicians are incapable of just saying 'ring' like a normal human. If you don't have one they'll get one from someone else, or try a different trick. Once they start, they cannot disengage. And the conversation will never get onto a proper track, because it becomes a performance with them as the center of attention.

This is why I only introduce myself as a baker these days. Coming from a magic background, you can imagine that I feel awkward socially. If I introduce myself as a magician, I have to perform. If I introduce myself as a baker, the other person thinks that is interesting and then begins talking about theirself, relieving me of the fear of saying or doing something wrong.

So there's a free life tip for you: choose a profession you never have to demonstrate in a social setting. It will pay dividends down the road.

My solicitor has advised me that I should state in no uncertain terms that my previous post was in jest and that I truthfully, absolutely, without a doubt, and most definitely did not sabotage the release of Derren Brown's new book.

Needless to say, there is now a situation vacant vis-a-vis my legal counsel. Please submit your qualifications (bonus points if you are familiar with the baking industry) and proof positive that you understand humour. You don't need to be funny (in fact, please don't even try); you need only be able to identify a joke and not fly off the handle because you are too scared of litigation.

And while I'm enjoying the freedom of being able to say what I want about Derren Brown without repercussion - because who is to say whether or not I'm joking? - I want everyone to know that a vast majority of his 'stunning' 'memory' 'feats' are in fact accomplished through the use of a secret handwritten sheet of what he has supposedly memorised. He's been using it for nearly thirty years, it being written on long-lasting tyvek material. And he clumsily alludes to it because his full name is an anagram for: WORD CRIB NEVER TORN

Holy crap everyone, you know what's an even better way to keep secrets?

You'd never guess it in a thousand billion million years, but it's obvious once you hear it.

Just don't publish them at all. I'm amazed that hasn't been the advice all along. Anyway, from this day forward you will no longer find recipes published on this website. From now on, my customers will be amazed by the results, not the process.

If anyone saw my appearance on the Vanishing Inc live event yesterday, you'll know that I'm tired. Tired of things going wrong. Tired of lame attempts at humour. Tired of magic.

Pictured: Me.
Not pictured: Excitement.

I'm running on fumes over there, but I'm contractually obligated to remain a figurehead of the company through fiscal year 2027. After that I'll still be involved, but I'll get to stay more behind the scenes, where I do my best work.

Joshy Woshy literally phoned in his appearance, because he's already allowed to step away, whereas I have to wait. I don't know why he gets to exit before I do. I have this whole baking thing, and he's got... nothing. He's just one hundred percent magic boy. Oh he says he has other interests - like music - but that's just him trying to pass as a normal human. Seriously, ask him about music sometime and within moments you'll learn he doesn't have any real feelings about it.

Actually, don't ask him. Don't speak with him at all. If you must communicate with him, do what I do and use an intermediary. For the past six months I have only said one thing directly to him, and that was 'can you PLEASE STOP?!' I don't even remember what he was doing at the time, but it was definitely unnecessary behaviour.

It's Friday the 13th of October! And have I got a treat in store for you!

Today, and today only, I am changing the menu to black and orange cupcakes and black cookies. It's some spooky goodness in time for Halloween.

Oh, I guess I'll also do this again at the end of the month, for actual Halloween. So this is just a kind of preview. But the preview is today, and today only!

Get your orders in by... well by this past Wednesday, actually. I'm not here to jump to your every demand immediately. I have a life, you know.

I'm very excited to announce that in just under two weeks I'll be hosting my first baking class in Chicago, America. Please do sign up, because it is a huge gamble for everyone involved. But if this class is successful, then I'll be able to buy more things that I want to have. You owe it to yourself for that reason alone.

I just completed my first baking class, and I must say it was a ripping succss! The room was packed with eager students, everyone got along smashingly, and the time just flew by. Really, honestly. The building staff was nice enough to let us run over the alotted time but they did have to lock up for the night. I'm really looking forward to tomorrow night.

Okay. I confess. That entire paragraph is a lie, apart from 'I just completed my first baking class' though maybe it would be more truthful to call it 'my latest abject failure.' Only six people showed up, and two of them were actually in the wrong place but seemed to feel sorry for me. Look, I don't need your pity. I need your money. Go to the website, sign up for the class for real, and tell your friends to do that as well.

As for the people who were supposed to be there, they bickered and argued with me about every little thing, particularly when measuring ingredients. Just because we are in America, and have been supplied with American measuring cups, they felt my metric instructions were confusing and became frustrated the more I insisted on doing things the correct way. I am the instructor, after all. Back home I would have been beaten senseless for talking back to an educational superior. But in America it seems everyone is taught to bring their own perspective into the classroom. Your moral decay starts in school, no doubt about it.

But I'm a positive guy, so I'll let this evening fade into the past and focus on the future. The next... ugh, ten more days of this. Tomorrow's class had better be respectful. I wonder if I should make them wear uniforms?

Well, isn't this a fine kick in the trousers? Joshy Woshy has responded to my demand for an apology, and he did it via this website:

The heavy baking season is now upon us, so I must take a short break from this blog. I'll return in the new year, but to tide you over I give you this gift: a brilliantly executed satire that completely eviscerates someone who definitely deserves it.

This holiday season, if you feel at all down you may return to this page at any time and find your smile once again.

Things are rough all over, and many industries have to make cutbacks to keep afloat. Yes, this even extends to decorative baking, which most of us think of as an evergreen service that will never face hardships. However that is not the case, and here we are.

I had to make the very tough decision today of letting some of my kitchen staff go. I really didn't want to, but money is extraordinarily dear right now, so my hand was forced. I've come to depend upon these people for much of my work, from reading the recipes aloud to me, to making precise measurements into cups, to manually mixing the ingredients when the electric mixer occasionally goes on the fritz. I am not exaggerating when I say the core of this operation lies in their capable hands. Truly this is affecting me very greatly, and I'm very close to having an emotional breakdown while writing this blog post.

But those are just my feelings. What about my now former employees? Eh, they're just baker's assistants. No specialised skills to speak of. Nobody worth worrying about.

In two weeks' time I will be hosting a second run of my baking class in Chicago, America. I learned some valuable lessons from the first go-round and hope to apply them to make for an even better educational experience.

I also want to dispel any rumours that am I teaching classes at a fraction of the pay of the first ones due to having technically been in breach of my original contract. I am in fact being paid the same amount. That I'm doing a second run at all is the result of a loophole that the Rhapsody Kitchen had sneakily put into the contract and are now making use of. This is partially my fault for sacking my legal counsel last year. But it is mostly his fault for having been sacked.

Anyway, you should sign up for my Souffléd class which begins 14 March. It'll be... held.

I am in America again, teaching my second Souffléd class. Last night was the first session, and it was a bit rough. You see, I just can't get the hang of life in America. Whenever I travel here it feels like I'm going back in time.

'Ha ha,' you might be thinking. 'Because of the time zone difference, right?' Well, yes, obviously. Why do you even bother laughing? It's the truth.

But there's another way to think about it, if you were to think about it. There's a metaphorical going back in time as well. Almost like I find myself among people who have no knowledge of modern civilization. They are so set in their old fashioned ways that I may as well be traveling to Eastbourne.

(Now I have a confession to make. For me, Eastbourne has always been synonymous with pensioners and retirement communities, and after writing the above sentence I looked up its current demographics. Less than a quarter of the population is older than 65. I simply do not know what the world is coming to. On the plus side, this means it might be a place I'm willing to spend time in, so I can stop coming to America altogether.)

Anyway, I will be teaching this cooking class for the next two weeks at the Rhapsody Kitchen in Chicago. If you want to take part, please sign up and don't neglect to pay in advance.

Here's a recent picture of Joshua Jay:

I'm pretty sure he's wearing one of my shirts. If not straight up stolen from my closet, he's bought one that is in my style. For years upon years Josh has only worn plain shirts (often t-shirts) with a jacket or vest. What does he think he's doing?

I think he's trying to Single White Female me.

So for everyone's safety, I strongly advise you to obtain secondary verification whenever you are interacting with someone who claims to be me. Asking about cookies or cupcakes should do it. While Josh may be able to copy my outward appearance, he can never duplicate what is core to my being. He will never understand baking.

If you are speaking with the real me, I will light up and wax poetic on the inner workings of the kitchen. If the 'Andi Gladwin' you are speaking with appears confused, you should immediately leave the area and call the police. Do not try to apprehend him yourself. He can be dangerous.

I'm thinking about an additional side hustle of being a baking consultant. Basically you invite me into your kitchen to observe your technique and I give you advice. You can either work uninterrupted and I give feedback afterwards, or (my preference) I angrily stop you the instant you make any mistake.

With the former model my fee will be £250 for the first two hours, and £100 for each additional hour. With the latter model it is only £150 but I get to charge an additional £25 each time I have to step in and stop you from making a grievous error.

Right now this isn't off the ground. I'm just feeling it out to see if there is interest.

I have uncovered a tad more info on the pyramid scheme Joshua Jay seems to be brewing. I've overheard him mention Bavaria, so I think whatever he's planning is going to be headquartered there, probably to evade the United States tax laws. And I've also heard 'mystery school' spoken in hushed tones, which makes me think he is going to try to open a rival organization to the one run by Jeff McBride.

Which, frankly, I would welcome, because I feel the McBride Mystery School and its members behave like some kind of a cult. Something about them really puts me off. I look at group photos from their workshops and they all look so odd. And to hear some of them speak! It's like artificial intelligence has reached the uncanny valley, except these are humans going the other way. Very upsetting.

But I digress. Josh might be forming a competing school, or that may be a front for some real estate scam. I will continue to investigate. Please keep your eyes opened and if you happen upon any information, please let me know.

Between now and July 11th, if you order three dozen cupcakes and/or cookies, I will deliver only 34 cupcakes and/or cookies. This is in celebration of Donald Trump being found guilty on 34 counts. Granted, I am not an American so this doesn't affect me quite so directly, but there are times we need to reach out to our fellow humans and share common joys.

Also I will generate a bit more revenue this way. The promotion itself will trigger more sales, but since I am only delivering 94.4% of the product, that's 5.6% of additional profit for me. And I am being completely transparent about that, lest I be caught in similar trouble over shady business practices.

A few hours after I posted last week's Cupdate, I learned that the Vanishing Inc warehouse had caught on fire and burned down. This is a devastating blow to my side business, but rest assured that nobody was injured. And thankfully, because I had moved my US kitchen out of there last year, damage was limited to only magic props and books.

It's a terrible fluke accident, but a few days ago I received this email from a Baker Blog Irregular suggesting otherwise:

Hi Andi,

I just heard about the Vanishing Inc warehouse fire. My deepest condolences to you in what is undoubtedly a very stressful time.

However... and I may be veering off into a weird direction here... it seems a little odd that this happened right around the time you posted about Joshua Jay's strange behavior. If he's been trying to run a pyramid scheme, is it possible he started the fire himself to collect on the insurance money?

I went back and looked at your recent posts about him, and some clues are coming together. I've come to believe the reason behind his actions is far more expansive than you have previously imagined. You may think me crazy, but please hear me out. I think Mr. Jay is becoming involved in a very powerful cult, perhaps the most powerful ever formed: The Illuminati.

When you met with him last week he was obsessed with returning cards to new deck order. You described that deck as becoming "his entire world." That made me think of New World Order. That's just a coincidence, right? Surely I'm just putting words together in a weird way.

But in your post from May 17th you overheard him talking about "Bavaria" and "mystery school." You thought he was creating a new European school to rival Jeff McBride's organization, but did you know that the Illuminati originated in Bavaria and is modeled after the ancient mystery schools?

And in the first post where you noticed something odd was going on, Joshua had drawn a group of pyramids. I think those were actually doodles of the Eye of Providence, a very important Illuminati symbol. Not to mention the "copper/silver" coin which could refer to a magic trick, but I think it alludes to the mysterious art of alchemy.

Given all of that, his response to your saying "there are other interests, loftier goals, people out there doing incredible things" takes on a whole other dimension. When he said "believe me, I know" I think he was certain you had figured it all out. And perhaps the fire was a way to cover it up? Or maybe it wasn't him, but someone further up in the hierarchy? Regardless, it seems dangerous, and I urge you to proceed with caution.

There's probably a lot more at play, more than you or I can ever uncover. It's important to accept our limitations of perception, but in doing that we are more attuned to what's around us. Keep paying attention and please report any further odd behavior you see from him.

Sincerely,
Consciously Understands People Can't Absolutely Know Everything

Now listen here, Cupcake - this is pure bollocks. A fantasy you are cooking up in your diseased mind. Josh's behaviour is strange, yes, but he's a magician with no other outlet or interest. OF COURSE he's going to be odd. He doesn't know any other way to be.

However, there may be value to be had here. I do want to draw him out into the real world and become a productive member of society. If I show him that his actions can be interpreted as pointing to a dangerous clandestine group, that may be the catalyst he needs to set magic aside once in a while and embrace normalcy. I don't believe he's involved in a cult, but I think he may respond to people thinking that's the case.

So, I suppose, thank you for your message. It was insightful in a roundabout way.